For some, Steam is not just a place to buy games but a way of life, an addiction, even. Summer sales how us peasants feed that addiction. But for those with cash to burn, and don’t know how, here’s 10 ways you can make the worst investment decision of your lives:
(All prices are current as of July 26th, 2018.)
10. FaceRig Studio Personal Live2D Module ($317.30)
Being an add-on to FaceRig Studio, which is a program that captures your movements and turns you into an animated 3D character, FaceRig live2D supports 2D-like characters, enabling you to turn into any of your favourite anime characters!
9. The Sims 3 Complete Collection ($379.81)
Basically a Real Life Simulator ™, The Sims gives you complete freedom to do anything you’ve ever wanted, from building a house, to getting your dream job, have great-grandkids, and so much more. Even though the original game was released in 2009, the loyal fan base as well as customization features have made it surpass sequel Sims 4 in popularity, and selling 1.4 million copies (so far). Buying all the DLCs on Steam is going to cost you $379.81, but honestly, it’s worth it.
8. Star Conflict ($472.86)
Basically you playing at becoming Benjamin Sisko, captain your very own battleship (I suggest the name USS Ben Sisko’s Mothafuckin’ Pimp Hand) and take to the stars to prove your fighting prowess. This open-world MMORPG has elements of PvE and PvP, and is entirely free-to-play, although the grinding element makes it pretty tempting to buy DLCs that provide ships and equipment to speed it up.
7. My Lands: Black Gem Hunting ($683.88)
A real-time strategy browser game that’s free-to-play, My Lands: Black Gem Hunting is a bit like Clash of Clans where you need absolute patience to get through all the grinding. Well, unless you buy the premium DLCs, of course. But do you really want to spend almost 700 bucks for a bunch of pixels on a screen and some congratulatory You’ve Levelled Up text?
6. Project Genom ($63.97, formerly $984.16)
Used to be when the futuristic third-person shooter Project Genom was still in Early Access, it offered a premium DLC for a whopping $984.16! But now that it’s for sale through regular channels now, the premium DLC has evaporated from public view, and buying up all the DLCs available on Steam now costs a mere $63.97.
5. EVE Online ($1,246.90)
Far, far in the future, humanity has colonized a distant galaxy accessible only through a wormhole. And then it collapses. Oops. Now, five warring factions have popped up in this “New Eden”, and it’s your job as a dutiful private citizen or warrior for one of them to explore and plunder where no one’s explored and plundered before. Even though the base game is free, there’s always a catch: if you want more shiny things, you gotta have a shiny bank account, and all the DLCs on Steam will set you back $1,246.90.
4. DCS World: Steam Edition ($1,591.47)
Yet another free-to-play entry, this combat simulator game lets you take to the skies in historical battle aircraft! But only two (the Sukhoi and the Mustang), unless you pay for more. And the mod DLCs run steep, eh b’y. Taken together, all the DLCs on Steam are $1,591.47! You should be making Sallie Mae payments instead, shame on you.
3. Flight Simulator X: Steam Edition ($4,773.45)
Flight Simulator X is the mother of all flight sims. There’s not much else to say about the game, other than it’s supremely fucking realistic. With a fully interactive cockpit, SMASH ALL THE SHINY BUTTONS YOU WANT! OR NONE OF THEM! IT’S YOUR CHOICE! With all the sceneries and weather enhancement suites and plane mods you can buy, it’s no wonder all the DLCs available for FSX on Steam, taken together, cost up to $4,773.45. That’s not counting the ones that aren’t on the platform. If you want a great FSX experience, sorry for shilling a skosh, but I recommend getting the REX4 Weather Architect, ORBX’s FTX Global sceneries, and FlyTampa’s Kai Tak Airport (good luck not crashing!)
2. Train Simulator ($8,128.32)
Train buff? Get in line, folks, because Train Simulator is rolling through like a wrecking ball! This super-duper-mega-ultra-uber-HD simulator of trains is sort of like FSX, capturing all the minutiae of being a train engineer while travelling the great scenic expanses of the world’s railroads. Also like FSX, the sheer number of DLCs is just insane, a purchase of all of them costing $8,128.32. Now that’s hella cash.
1. Star Citizen: The Legatus Pack ($28,000)
Star Citizen has long been a hype-arousing fiend of the gaming industry, but this latest tabarnak of a move from Chris Roberts’ twisted-ass mind will leave y’all speechless. Taking its name from the Roman military rank (because, as you know, Latin equals prestigious… or is that pretentious?), the Legatus Pack offers 100 in-game vessels for the low, low price of… drumroll please… 27.000 dollars. You heard that right, 27.000 dollars that could be better spent on oh, I don’t know, LITERALLY FREAKIN’ ANYTHING. To make matters worse, you have to have dropped at least a grand on other content just to see the DLC’s buy now button.
Paying off your mortgage < Buying Star Citizen jawn. Mood.