You can do lots of things better in video games than you can in real life. From defeating hordes of enemies without even so much as a scratch, surviving a zombie apocalypse, run hundreds of miles without needing to stop, and so much more. But have you experienced the opposite? Hella things are easy to do in real life, even with your eyes closed, but are nigh impossible in video games. Here’s eight of those things:
1. Walking at the same speed as the NPCs
Have you ever needed to stop for a few seconds just so that the NPCs you’re supposed to follow can catch up with you? Too many times games running the gamut from Counter-Strike to Assassin’s Creed to even Life is Strange has NPCs walking at turtle speed. To counteract this, some developers have implemented an auto-follow feature for NPCs so players don’t have to stop every 5 seconds anymore.
2. Obeying traffic laws
“Uhhh, Dispatch, what’s the code for a Tesla doing cartwheels in the air?”
No, we’re not talking about serious driving simulators like ETS or Gran Turismo, although even they’re hard to master. No, we’re talking about games like GTA, Watch Dogs, Saints Row, where motor vehicles are only there to get you from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time possible. And while achieving this, it is literally not possible to not get at least a scratch on your ride. Why? Simple! Burning rubber > Obeying traffic laws.
3. Opening doors
In games like Dark Souls and God of War, you’re always confronting big and bulky bosses which your protagonist defeats with no skin off her back. But then you run into a dinky wooden door that might as well be the entrance to the vault at Fort Knox if the plot doesn’t call for it to be opened yet.
4. Going down a ladder
Ascending might not be a problem, most games place sensors near the ladder so the engine automatically interprets a jump as you wanting to climb on. But to descend? gg, wp, no re, good luck finding that sweet spot! (Unless you like freefalling off of the roof.)
5. Trying to get over the Insurmountable Waist-Height Fence(tm)
Have you ever played The Witcher 3 and tried to hop over the picket fences? Either Geralt can’t or glitches from place to place. Too many games use the convenient excuse of a strategically placed small object standing in the way. Some developers are just lazy as.
6. Trying to get an object surrounded by other objects
The webcomic is self-explanatory.
7. Not Killing Anyone
In open world sandboxes like Grand Theft Auto, there’s a 0.000000001% chance you haven’t killed anyone in the last 10 minutes. And then you turn that into a flat 0% by committing a hit-and-run. Either by accident or by design, to these people, you’re the Grim fucking Reaper.
8. Waiting
In the real world, you can wait a whole day for someone or something. Waiting for a red light to turn green? No problem. Waiting for your jerk as boyfriend who’s two hours late because “traffic” to show up for your date? No problem. Waiting 15 minutes for Pagan Min so he’ll be best friends forever with you? Fuck. That. Shit.
