Ex-Trump Lover Stormy Daniels Says President’s Penis Looks Like Mario Kart’s Toad

When politics and video game meet it’s often to decry the negative impact of violent games on the world’s youth or as a timely scapegoat for the latest shooting tragedy. However, the tables have turned with the latest saucy revelations from one-time Trump lover Stormy Daniels.

In her upcoming autobiographical book Full Disclosure, obtained ahead of publication by The Guardian, she reveals that the appendage of the world’s most divisive man, Donald Trump, is uncannily similar to none other than Toad from Mario Kart. ‘He knows he has an unusual penis,” she says “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart’. Brutal.

Ex-Trump Lover Says President’s Manhood Looks Like Mario Kart’s Toad

Not satisfied with explicitly comparing the president’s member to a cult video game character’s bulbous head, Stormy Daniels adds insult to injury stating ‘It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion’. Daniels doesn’t hold her punches, understandably so given she weathered physical threats, received hush money, and staunch denials of an affair from Trump and his cohort of lawyers and enforcers for years.

The book also covers all manner of Trump related trivia from the well-known fact he didn’t really want to win the presidency, his predisposition for trashy TV, and unrepentant offers of rigging the hugely popular The Apprentice TV show, of which Trump was the not so emblematic figurehead, in Daniels favor should she participate.

Ex-Trump Lover Says President’s Manhood Looks Like Mario Kart’s Toad

Now, for those of us who grew up innocently playing Mario Kart for hours on end, the cute red-dotted mushroom will forever be synonymous with a detail we would honestly prefer not to have been made privy to. Sadly, with the salacious nitty-gritty of Trump’s manhood now out in the open, Toad will no longer be the go to pick in Mario Kart.

It is not surprising that the Internet ran with this.

https://twitter.com/Jim_Sheridan/status/1042054795522179074

 

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