DISCLAIMER: Expressly adult-oriented games are excluded from this list.
Being a hobby that not only gets the adrenaline pumping but the brain sorta rotting, video games may look kiddie play a prima vista. The following list should change your mind aboot ? that. Because you’ll probably be grounded, like, forever, if you play any one of them in front of your folks. Let’s skip ahead, shall we:
Wrapped in layers upon layers of horror, Agony incoherently throws so much blood and sex at you like there’s no tomorrow, rightly earning it the infamy it now enjoys. However, would it surprise you to learn that even some of the developers had standards? They had to pull a Hot Coffee so as to keep the game’s rating at M and not AO (not like anyone cares about them, lol). With such scenes as prying people’s eyes out, busting open someone’s chest and ripping out their heart, and hella succubus sex, if you know what’s best for you, just wait ’til you have your own apartment with noise-suppressing walls and privacy windows.
2. Dead or Alive: X-Treme Series
Who doesn’t know of Dead or Alive? The racy franchise known for its scantily-clad women is definitely designed to titillate. Dead or Alive: Xtreme takes it to the…extreme *we’re sorry for the interruption but the writer of this article has been executed due to her extremely bad puns* Anyways, the game itself is just a collection of sports-themed mini-games like beach volleyball rolled up into one, but again, the main attraction is definitely the aforementioned scantily-clad women, so, just exercise caution, k?
3. The Wolfenstein Series
One of the best first-person shooters on the market, Wolfenstein not only has crazy fun battles, but also a degree of brutality that probably should net it its own rating on the ESRB classification system: NSFW (Not Safe For World). You’re thrust into the role of BJ Blazkowicz, a tough-as-nails vet who has to save America from those Nazi bastards (no, not the Illinois Nazis, the real Nazis). From dismemberment to decapitation to defenestration to denazification, this game’s got something for everyone.
4. The Dead Space Series
Horror doesn’t always have to be about zombies or the supernatural, and Dead Space proves it. Visceral Games’ haunting title about the Necromorph invasion of the USG Ishimura requires you to crawl through Jefferies tubes, sneak down hallways, and (futilely) attempt to avoid the obligatory jumpscare. And of course, it also has its fair share of gore. Case in point: the Eye Poke Machine.
5. Mortal Kombat Series
This one series has been controversial from the very beginning. In fact, the first game is widely claimed to have been the trigger behind the founding of the ESRB! Not only does Mortal Kombat not shy away from blood, it thrives on it, what with elements such as the notorious bug-turned-feature fatalities (and the hilarious parody “babalities” in X), don’t be surprised if your parents don’t get you a copy for your birthday.
6. Lust for Darkness
Sex. In Cthulhu-land. ‘Nuff said?
Catherine sticks you in a love triangle between your high school sweetheart Katherine and mysterious beauty Catherine. Of course, a mere love triangle doesn’t really make for a good plot, so enter the supernatural angle! Turns out good ol’ Catherine is a succubus. And now you’re trapped in nightmarish puzzle sequences. Way to pull a Cube, you guys.
8. The Manhunt Series
Sharing the top rung of the violent games ladder with Mortal Kombat, Manhunt is yet another prime example of why ludicrous gibs sell. Taking only the darkest elements of their GTA titles, Rockstar amplified and distilled them into Manhunt and Manhunt II, where you can do just about anything from stabbing your enemies with a crowbar to putting them through a woodchipper.
A (welcome?) break from the gory entries above, HuniePop may seem all warm, fuzzy, cute and cuddly on the outside, but don’t be fooled. The game’s interface looks like an ordinary object-matching game, but the more matches you get, the more the girl on the right-hand of your screen undresses. With the appropriate sound effects. Might wanna grab those noise-cancelling headphones.
10. The Bayonetta Series
BAYONETTA, fuck yeah! Using her hair-powered costume, Bayonetta the Sexy Witch(tm) can transform into a half-naked, blood-thirsty monster that’s ready to pulverize the bones of her enemies! FOR GREAT JUSTICE! *we regret yet another interruption as the author has been executed, again, for trying to make an entry sound like an 80s public TV ad*